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Sports Ball-istic
This is the 21st episode of Hoopla's Fantastic Beach, and the 7th episode of season 2. (Episode starts with Hoopla pondering back and forth) Hoopla: Hmm...HooplaHub isn’t looking so well, I think I should change tactics. (Hoopla calls up Boopla) Hoopla: Heyyyy Boop- Boopla: We cannot take anymore financial risks with you Hoopla! I cannot do anything else you ask. Too much money was lost from HooplaHub! Hoopla: But...how am I gonna get support to win? Boopla: Huh, fair point. I still want you to win, but I can’t interfere with you personally...I know! I’ll put you on hold. (calls Carl) Hey Carl! Carl: Hey, dude… what do you want? Another loan? Boopla: Well, remember Hoopla? Carl: Uh, kinda? I haven’t seen him in like, 2 weeks. Hoopla: (breaking into the conversation) 2 weeks? Don’t you mean 3? There’s only one week in this month! Carl: Uh actually there’s two. Election Day is in one and a half weeks. Hoopla: Well that makes it way less stressful! Boopla: Um, back to what I was saying, I need you to do something for Hoopla. He needs a good manager to get him on the right course. And I know someone who’s had experience being one. Carl: That’s me! Boopla: Exactly. Uh.. I think you know where this is going. Carl: You still owe me from last time I did you a huge favor like this. Boopla: I thought I already repaid you the money. Carl: No you didn’t. That was just chewed up green gum. Disgusting. Boopla: Look, here’s the deal. If you don’t help Hoopla with his ads to become president, he doesn’t get the army to defeat aliens and we die. Carl: Well that’s convincing. You got me. Boopla: Well Hoopla, you got your manager. (hangs up) Hoopla: I wonder when he’ll arrive- Carl: Carl here, ready to manage your services! Hoopla: I expected you to say “Hi, I’m Carl”, but that works too. Carl: That line fell flat years ago. Anyway, what are you planning to do next? Hoopla: Well, I need to get my President campaign up and running, and the VVR thing turned out terribly. So, besides games, what are people into these days? Carl: It seems people really like sports. Hoopla: People are only talking about that now because of the Duper Bowl. But, since it is popular, it could work. I guess you could be the team manager, and I can be the coach. Carl: You expect me to make a sports team in only a few days?! Hoopla: Remember, life or death. Carl: Ugh, fine. But it’s gonna be hard to find an open stadium. Hoopla: Hey I know one! The Bubble Bowl! Carl: Isn’t that for human players? Hoopla: It was originally, but people forgot about it so it’s available for fish now. Carl: Cool. Let’s get started I guess. Who should I get for the sports team? Hoopla: I know a few people… (The next day…) Eel: Why am I here again? Hoopla: You’re gonna play some sports. Eel: But I like ice cream more. Hoopla: Too bad. All the exits are closed. Besides, can’t you do something for an old pal? Eel: I’ve only met you once at a birthday party, I don’t even remember your name. But I got nowhere else to go so...I guess I’m playing sports. Hoopla: Now that’s the spirit! Squidina: (reading a comic book) What’s the spirit? Hoopla: Were you even paying attention? We’re here to play sports! Squidina: Get me outta here! Eel: He closed all the exits. Hoopla: Nerds need to grow some muscle sometimes anyway. Squidina: Hey! Carl: Okay everyone, I’m your team manager. And I’m here to manage everyone here. Did that even make any sense? Eel: I have no idea, I have selective hearing so I only heard the last sentence you spoke. Carl: I’m gonna use my selective hearing to ignore you. Tom: Hey um, I don’t think I’m in the best shape to play sports, so I should go. Carl: You eat chocolate every day, that’s your own fault and you’re stuck here. Eel: And the exits are blocked off. Tom: What has my life become? Scooter: A box of chocolates? Haw haw haw! Hoopla: No one asked for your remark, Scooter. You’re not even on this team. Scooter: What? Who could be better than me? Gary: Meow. Hoopla: Yeah, I’m not even sure where he came from. And now for our final team member… ???: I’m only doing this because it gets me out of jail for a while. Hoopla: Welcome, Alpooh! Alpooh: End my life already. Hoopla: The only thing I have is a butter knife, that won't cut it… or anything. Alpooh: Very funny. Carl: Okay, enough puns. Let’s see who we’re going against. ???: (hearty laugh) There’s only one thing I love more than money. Just kidding, I love money most. But I'd still love to see you lose! Hoopla: Mr. Krabs?! Mr. Krabs: Yeah, that's me! Hey, aren't you the kid who interrupted my training video a while back? Hoopla: Uhh… meow? Carl: That’s- That’s- Mr. Krabs: Oh, hello Carl. I see you’ve gone into other businesses now. Carl: (gulp) Mr. Krabs: Come on, let’s put the past aside. Carl: But, you’re the best sports coach out there. Why us? Mr. Krabs: To put it straight, I’m only doing this to make me self a quick buck! Argh Argh Argh! You losers won’t possibly beat me, see all these trophies I have? (pulls out picture) There’s a whole room full of them! You and your wee team can’t possibly get one. Carl: Well- Uh- It’s worth a shot! Mr. Krabs: Not like that shot’s ever gonna make the basket! Let me introduce my team now. Carl: (gulps again) Mr. Krabs: FIRST MEMBER! Flats: I am gonna beat this other team. And after that, I’m gonna beat them up! Mr. Krabs: SHUT UP YOU RUINED MY TEAM INTRODUCTION! Flats: Why don’t I just beat you up too? Mr. Krabs: WHAT?! You can’t do that, you’re on my team! Flats: Oh yeah, that’s right. You win this round sweaty man. Mr. Krabs: Well anyway, NEXT MEMBER! Puffy Fluffy: (roars and turns giant) Gary: MEOW! (he gets scared and runs away) Carl: Thanks a lot, now we have one less team member. Mr. Krabs: That means one less member to beat. Alright, come out number three! Davy Jones: Hi, I’m Davy Jones. Hoopla: That doesn’t look intimidatin- Davy Jones: I WILL ERADICATE YOUR TEAM, AND THEN YOU WILL SPEND YOUR LAST REMAINING YEARS IN MY LOCKER! Hoopla: (squeaky) uh, ok- ok- Mr. Krabs: Two down, let’s show them number four! The Fisherman: I will kill you and your family MUAHHAHAHA! Hoopla: Dear god, why are there so many evil beings on your team? Mr. Krabs: They do it for a lower price. They really just want to do evil rather than get money. And now, the last member on my team… Dennis: Don’t even mention it. Time to crush these kiddies. Down to the bone. Carl: Heh heh…. Mr. Krabs: You have five days till the big game. See you then. Argh Argh Argh! (fading) This will be a great story to tell me bob when he’s older. Hoopla: Well you heard what he said! We start now! No breaks! 24 HOURS STRAIGHT PRACTICING! Squidina: But I’ve never even stayed up past midnight before… Hoopla: What a wimp. What a weenie. Eel: This is very unhealthy. Hoopla: This is very healthy. It’s sports! Tom: Not if you do it for 24 hours. My leg is already cramping. Hoopla: HIS LEG! Carl: Ok time to figure this out. Hoopla can manage the team while I can manage...all the paperwork. And promotions. And deals. Ugh, it’s gonna be a long night. Hoopla: Five long nights! HOOPLA! (Day 1) Squidina: Hey, didn’t you guys do a montage in the previous episode? Hoopla: We gotta use the budget well, so we’re using it on all these special effects and not on the pacing. Squidina: That’s dumb. (The team practices while a bunch of corny special effects play) Tom: (barely audible) Are these special effects really needed?! Hoopla: ...What? I can’t hear you over the airhorns! Ooh, these can play the national anthem! Tom: Ow, my ears! Hoopla: AMERICA HAS NEVER BEEN AS PATRIOTIC! (Day 2) Alpooh: I’m super confused. What the hell is the sport we’re playing? Hoopla: Footkey. It’s American football and hockey combined. Alpooh: How does that even work? Hoopla: Well you have to make a touchdown by either throwing the ball or moving the puck into the small goal. Alpooh: Well that is utterly stupid. Squidina: Hey little red man, watch out! Alpooh: Huh (puck hits his face) OUCH! (football hits his face) YEOUCH! Eel: Don’t worry, I got it! (swings his stick into Alpooh’s face) Alpooh: AAA- (Day 3) Alpooh: (now with bandages all over his face) Thanks a lot, guys. Now I can’t even see myself think. Hoopla: You’re welcome! Tom: Should I be holding the stick this way or that way? Hoopla: Hmm...maybe try holding it upside down. Tom: Alright! Eel: Hey Tom, there goes the ball! Tom: (swings the stick) I got it! (The ball flies into space) Tom: Huh. (Day 4) Carl: Okay everyone, we’re obviously not getting anywhere. So let’s try harder, okay? Hoopla: The ball’s hitting pretty hard so I think we’re doing great. Carl: Ugh… Eel: I think I swallowed a puck. Carl: Ugh……. (Day 5) Hoopla: This is our last day before the big game. We must be ultra prepared. Tom: I haven’t slept in five days. I think I’m gonna die. (falls) Eel: I got this! (lays on him and shocks him) CLEAR! Tom: ZOINKS! Squidina: Jeepers. Hoopla: Let’s keep going, everyone! This game is gonna be big. Tom: There’s absolutely no way we’re even gonna score one point. Hoopla: Come on, there’s still time to practice. Here’s the puck. Eel: I think the puck in my stomach is digesting. Hoopla: And here’s the football. Alpooh: Still stupid that we need two “balls” and four goals. Hoopla: Alpooh, the magic shines bright when you see it in action. Just you wait. (Game Day) Hoopla: I guess I didn’t wait long enough. The day’s already here. Carl: I STILL GOTTA DO THESE TAXES!! Hoopla: Haven't you ever heard of tax evasion? It's easy. Carl: I don’t think that’s legal… Mr. Krabs: But it sure is fun! Carl: Oh uh, hi! Mr. Krabs: You may as well opt out right now. Hoopla: Nope! We’re gonna win this! Mr. Krabs: You're delusional. Jasper: Settle down everyone, we need to have a professional game here. Hoopla: Jasper? What are you doing here? Jasper: I’m the referee. I call what’s right and what’s not. Hoopla: Oh, this is gonna be so biased. Jasper: (blows whistle) No trash talking the referee! Hoopla: But that's not a rule- (whistle blows again) Jasper: No complaining about the referee! Hoopla: Well guys, you ready? Hoopla’s Team: No, not at all. Hoopla: Uh, good! Jasper: Alrighty folks, this will start in a one, a two, a three, NOW! (blows whistle) (The game starts, and Hoopla breaks his leg while running) Hoopla: My leg! Tom: I’m ashamed of you. Squidina: I got it, I got it! (the ball gets kicked into her face) I… don’t got it. Mr. Krabs: Argh argh argh. I told you you’d lose! Hoopla: It’s only 10-0. We can still score 11 points. Mr. Krabs: Fat chance, bub. Dennis: You guys are gonna get roasted. (he literally sets the ball on fire and kicks it in the net, setting it on fire) Hoopla: Haha, you can’t score if you don’t have a net to kick in. Mr. Krabs: (puts up a new net) We can now. Hoopla: o. Davy Jones: There’s no way you’re gonna be able to dodge this! (He throws the ball at Tom, which bounces off him and into the net) Tom: AAAAAAHHH! Hoopla: Ok, that’s not good. (Hoopla’s stick suddenly turns into dust) Hoopla: Uhh, Eel? Eel: Yes? Hoopla: I’m gonna need to use your body as a stick. Eel: I’m not sure if I’m ok with that- Hoopla: Too late for you to respond. You’re stick now. Mr. Krabs: Thirty seconds left on the clock! You haven’t even scored one point. Told ya. Argh argh argh. Tom: Hey, since when was Gary here? Hoopla: I thought he left. (Gary appears with a wizard hat on, and uses wizardry to score Hoopla’s team 27 more points) Mr. Krabs: (faints as Hoopla’s team celebrates) Announcer: And that’s the game. And the winner is… Mr. Krabs’ team! Mr. Krabs: (wakes up) Wait what? Announcer: It turns out the scoring system isn’t official. Hey, who even came up with this scoring system anyway? Hoopla: Uhhh…. (starts foaming at the mouth) Carl: Dude, are you okay? Hoopla: No, absolutely not. I lost… (Episode ends with a shot of Hoopla destroying the beach) Category:2020 Category:2020 Episodes Category:2020 Transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Episode Transcripts Category:HFB Category:Episodes Category:Episodes written by FireMatch Category:Episodes written by CrazySponge